Second Place Winner: 2026 Kathryn McClatchy Flash Fiction Contest
Playing with Plagues by D Kay Valentine
PLAYING WITH PLAGUES
Saint Maria Goretti, martyred virgin, was rummaging through Heaven’s basement, not to
be confused with Hell. It was a typical basement with shelves of sacred antiquities and
miscellaneous screwdrivers. She found the billiard balls nestled between a hunk of the True
Cross and some cans of WD-40.
Maria enjoyed billiards, like most virgins of a certain age. When not reflecting on the
holy texts, she could be found in assorted Texas dive bars playing eight-ball.
Today, she had other plans. Today she would assert dominance over Prince Nanda
Shakya, aka Handsome Nanda, the Buddha’s younger half-brother, who only found beauty in the
bliss of Nirvana. She wanted Nanda to take her on a date.
“Stupid hot monk,” she muttered while unboxing the Plague Pro Billiard Balls. The box
was unsealed and sans instructions.
In the parlor, not to be confused with Purgatory, she aligned the balls in the triangle rack.
Her cue, a McDermott Heartbreaker, leaned nearby in the Q-claw on the edge of the bar.
Behind the bar was Amand, patron saint of brewers, bartenders, and Boy Scouts. While
itwasn’t a proper bar, he’d said he felt comfortable back there cleaning glasses and slicing fruit.
A Jinn named Sila sat at the bar watching Maria curiously.
“You’re challenging him again, aren’t you?” she asked.
Maria nodded.
“Good luck. Nanda thinks pool is akin to meditation.”
“I know. He’s already reached enlightenment and the equivalence of a level six in
American Pool Association league play. But I don’t plan to stay a virgin forever. Besides, these
balls have only been used once. I’ll play better with them.”
“He’s awfully pretty,” mused Sila swirling the swizzle in her drink wistfully. “What are
the stakes?”
“I plan to go on a proper date,” smiled Maria.
“All of this for a date?”
“I have been a teen virgin for over one-hundred years. I deserve a date.”
“Where did you get the balls?”
“I’ve always been brave. I’m a martyr—stabbed fourteen times and still refused to give it
up.”
“No, silly, the new billiard balls,” laughed Sila.
“Oh, these plague balls. They were in the basement. Only used once, long time ago for
the Egypt thing.”
“Oh yeah, ten plagues of Egypt. I remember something about that,” said Sila. “Does that
mean you’ll haphazardly unleash plagues on the human realm?”
“Just Texas,” replied Maria.
“Why Texas?”
“That’s not important. Where’s Handsome Nanda?”
As if on cue, Nanda and Buddha rounded the corner into the parlor. Nanda tried to
backpedal, but Maria saw him before he could escape.
“Aha!” Maria exclaimed. “I challenge you to a game of bank the eight! Loser takes the
winner to Six Flags Amusement Park.”
Nanda looked at his half-brother for a way out.
“Attachment leads to jealousy,” said Buddha.
“Stop quoting Yoda!” exclaimed Nanda.
Buddha shrugged. “Do or do not,” he said, still quoting Yoda while taking the seat nearest
the Jinn.
“Fine,” said Nanda. “One game, and this is the last time. I told you before that I am only
interested in Nirvana, and maybe waterparks.”
They flipped a coin. Nanda won the break and sank the striped ten-ball as he scattered the
rest with a loud crack.
“Stripes,” called Nanda while pointing at the side pocket where he planned to drop the
fourteen-ball. A glancing blow sent it ricocheting off the opposite rail, rolling towards the pocket
where it hung on the edge.
“Too bad. I wonder what that one does,” mused Sila.
“Does?” inquired Buddha.
“Plague balls. Egypt.”
“Oh, blood, frogs, boils, etcetera—I remember something about that,” said Buddha.
“What will they do?”
“Dunno. Amand, put on the news,” called Sila.
The sainted barkeep turned the parlor television to the 24-hour news channel.
The game progressed, both players evenly matched. Maria made a fantastic shot jumping
the cue ball over a striped ball to sink the solid three-ball into a corner pocket.
A moment later the newscaster broke in, “This just in. The small town of Egypt, Texas,
just outside of Houston, has been overrun by armadillos. We have video.”
The screen was filled with the town’s main drag, rampant with small, armored mammals.
Cars were stopped as the animals parted around them a la Red Sea. People were running and
screaming.
A news anchor continued, “No one knows where this many came from or what brought
them into town.”
“Ha! Their tiny little legs,” interrupted Buddha.
“Some speculate they may have encountered a predator interrupting their sleep, causing
them to evacuate their burrows en masse. We have a reporter en route and will follow-up once
we have more.”
“Any side bets on the next plague?” asked Sila.
Before anyone could respond, the anchor was back with more breaking news.
“We have another report from Egypt, Texas. In addition to armadillos, suddenly
bluebonnets have begun to grow from every surface. The flowers are not just sprouting from the
soil but from cement and metal. Bluebonnets, the state flower of Texas, are known to be hardy
but growing out of metal.… Well, this is unprecedented.”
The newscaster continued, “Pam Rogers, of affiliate KDRN, is on-site. Pam, can you tell
us what you are witnessing?”
“I sure can, Todd. There are armadillos running through the bluebonnet engulfed streets.
It’s amazing to see, but chaotic as well.”
“Are those sirens?” asked the anchor from the newsroom.
Behind the on-site reporter, the sky blackened.
“Yes, those appear to be tornado sirens….” She was cut off by the blaring and bustle as
she and her crew ran for cover.
“I was going to say tornados,” said Sila.
“So was I,” said Buddha. “It is Texas.”
“Oh no,” said Maria looking up. “My favorite poolhall is there.”
“You were playing with plagues,” commented Nanda. “Eight-ball in the side pocket.”
Nanda smoothly banked the ball off the opposite rail into the pocket for the win.
“AH!” exclaimed Maria, tossing her pool stick on the table. “But I deserve a date!”
“Karma,” retorted Handsome Nanda.
